Family Night by the Book

God’s Desired Future

admin — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 17:00:56 +0000

We’ve been talking about getting clear about what you want, what kind of parent you want to be, how you want to move through the world, caring for your own health and well-being, ways to be completely and joyously YOU. Today we are going to incorporate all of that, with a twist. In your quiet time and journaling this week, think about and write down what you want for your children. What is the desired future you see for them? Be specific. There’s power in the details.

In the book The Blessing, by Trent and Smalley, the authors name five components to blessing our children:
-          Meaningful Touch
-          Spoken Message of Blessing
-          Attach High Value to the Person
-          Picture a Special Future
-          Commit to See the Blessing Happen

Begin to bring your picture of a special future for your child into sharp focus. When you hold a clear picture in your mind, the “how” to achieve it comes more easily. Your clarity about what you want and where you are going, and your commitment to see it happen will maintain awareness and give you a filter for decisions and activities.

I don’t know who said this but I like it! “Wisdom is the power to see and choose the best and highest goal – and the surest means to attaining it.” You have good instincts and you have wisdom about your children. Trust it. Hone it. Act on it. Family Night by the Book is a wonderful way to help bring God’s special future into reality for your children. Each lesson is designed to consider just that.

I have encouraged you to journal and I am doing it again! Writing has power in it. It creates focus. It allows you to go back and edit, rethink, confirm, and inspect. It creates a record and a place to chronicle the journey – the successes, failures, turns, plans, and outcomes. It will allow you to get in touch with your deepest self. Give it a go…

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare

and not calamity, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

We are here to support and coach you to that special future for your family!

Blesssings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Strong and Resilient Parents

admin — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:24:18 +0000

Did you know that when you talk about stress, it’s important to consider nurturing your spirit and cultivating your spiritual life? Connecting with your heart and with God is crucial to health and resilience. Douglas Steere, a Quaker teacher has said, “The ancient human question ‘Who am I?’ leads inevitably to the equally important question ‘Whose am I?’ – for there is no selfhood outside of relationship.” If you want to quiet the negative internal chatter and live as your full, authentic self in the world, you must make the time to get alone and be still.

Here are a couple of exercises to help you get started. The first is called Thought Watch (Gersten 1997). Observe your thoughts for 30 seconds. Remember what comes to your mind, without changing or altering them in any way.
Write down every thought, image, feeling, or sensation that surfaced in your mind in those 30 seconds. If you had the same thought multiple times, indicate how many times that particular thought came up.
After writing each thought, go back to the top of the list and note if the thought was positive(+), negative(-), or neutral (0).

The second exercise focuses on your most highly held values. When you are your authentic self, you cannot act on the outside in a way that contradicts what you believe strongly on the inside. Make a list of your top 5 values and attach a symbol to each.
For example:
Relationship – 2 clasped hands
Joy – a smile
Honesty – rock
Our minds think in pictures. Anchoring your values to a symbol will keep them firmly in mind and create awareness when you are not acting in concert with your values.
Being authentically, joyously, serenely you will enhance your life and is a powerful model for your children. It opens the space to teach values to your kids, both verbally and nonverbally. Family Night by the Book is loaded with godly principles and values and each lesson is completely done-for-you and ready to go!

Get outside and get quiet. Feel the sun on your face, or the night breeze on your skin and appreciate the beauty all around you. Use all your senses – feel it, hear it, taste it, look through eyes that really see. Read something uplifting, listen to majestic music, write, dance, sing, create, learn something new. Pray, meditate, daydream. Practice gratitude – determine to find something to appreciate in even the most difficult circumstances. Then surrender to the reality of what is, and let go. The situation or circumstance will change – everything does.
“Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;

For His lovingkindness is everlasting.” Psalm 107:1

The goal is not to avoid all stress, but to acknowledge it and respond in appropriate and healthy ways. Welcome the challenges and remember that difficulties and discomfort move you to become a man or woman of strength and resiliency – and that’s the finest kind of mom or dad.

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Do You Know the Tates?

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:50:27 +0000

We all know you can’t choose your relatives – or can you? Perhaps you have some folks that are eerily similar to the Tates hanging from your family tree.
Dictate rules with an iron fist and brooks no dissent. It’s his way or the highway.

Agitate loves to stir the pot. If there’s no drama, she’ll create some. A little gossip and a good fight make her day.

Hesitate hasn’t budged in years. Anything new or risky gives her hives. Getting her to commit and move forward is like pulling teeth.

Amputate uses the knife at every opportunity. Cross him and he’ll cut you off at the knees. Anything he doesn’t like he just cuts out of his life, including people. Try to have an honest, direct conversation and he’ll cut you off and clam up.

Rotate never sticks. He is fickle and unable to express an opinion. Whatever is popular or whoever has the upperhand is where he hangs his hat. Always subject to change, his thoughts spin in the wind. You never see him without Imitate. Whatever others are doing is what he is doing. He is terrified of discovering who he really is or what he really wants.

Vegetate is lazy and content with the status quo. He doesn’t want to rock the boat. Dependence on the way things have always been and fear of the unknown keep him firmly planted on the couch of life.

But wait! Who are these Tates coming to the defense of the Tate family honor?

S.tate loves honest, direct conversation. He speaks the truth in love and you always know where you stand with him.

Meditate is thoughtful, calm, and grounded. You can depend on a good word here.

Facilitate is the one who makes things happen and gets things done. She is organized and prepared. She is helpful, connective, and inclusive – a joy to be around.

Necessitate has his priorities in order. He sets and achieves goals and knows what is most important in life. You can count on him to come through when you need a hand.

Palpitate is just plain FUN! He’ll set your heart to racing with quick banter, exciting ideas, and great adventures.

Resuscitate is a jewel in any family. She never gives up and will extend grace without hesitation. She breathes new life into old, unresolved issues and everyone leaves with a renewed lightness and sense of hope.

We’ve had a little fun with the Tates, but… Do you know any of these people? Do you recognize yourself in either group of the genealogy?

What we are inclined to internally, we are manifesting externally.
What do you focus on?
What do you think about?
What do you put your energy to?
How do others perceive you?
Which Tate traits do you own?
Which Tate traits would you like to change?

Family Night by the Book will help you cultivate all the great character traits you wish to have in your family. Each lesson is designed to focus on a specific biblical value. There are plenty of suggestions to reinforce the learning throughout the week too! We are here to coach you to SUCCESS! Start TODAY.

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Live at Level II

admin — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 22:40:18 +0000

One of the finest things we can do for each other is to listen. One of my professors called it “paying exquisite close attention”. Most of us would say that we’re pretty good listeners – and that our friends are generally good listeners. They will stay quiet and be objective. Yet, sometimes – when we ONLY want them to listen, they will jump in to save us from distress, solve our problem, help us deal with strong emotions, or tell us about their own similar situation.

Listening is crucial to intimacy and safety and it is more than simply hearing what the other person is saying. Listening is an ACTION that has two components.

One is attention or awareness. It is listening with feeling and intuition. We listen for the words, the tone, the pace, the energy level – all the information that is being sent. Author and psychologist Larry Crabb refers to this as listening beneath. We listen for what is NOT being said in words, but is communicated through body language, emotion, and the meaning the person is attaching and the values and concerns being expressed.

The second aspect is what we DO with our listening – the impact we have when we ACT on our listening. Let’s take a look at that by examining two levels of listening.

LEVEL I:
Level I is self-focused. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it all means to us. It’s all about ME – my thoughts, my feelings, my opinion, how this has any relevance to me. It is not very reciprocal and tends to be one-sided.
There are times this is appropriate and useful. If you are having your car repaired you want facts, details, prices, and a time frame. Level I listening is not conducive to deep connection or understanding one another.

LEVEL II:
A Level II you are intently focused on the other person. Can you recall the last time you listened at this level? You forget about yourself and any personal agenda. You are tuned-in, empathetic and engaged. You let go of your own opinions or expectations and are not trying to “help” or figure it out. You don’t get ahead and plan what you will say as soon as there is a lull – we cal that “listening with your answer running”. You tend to lean in and make eye contact. You may nod in encouragement or understanding. You are listening for, and hearing, much more than words.

When you listen and really hear another person, you both expand. It extends the best kind of acknowledgment, affirming another’s importance and presence. It creates the space for connection, collaboration, and trust.

Who would you really like to do some Level II listening to? Think of one or two people right now…Commit to using all your Level II skills. When you have listened well, notice what you discovered!

This week I’ve noticed that I am often a Level I listener with God. It’s all about me. If you are a person of faith, try Level II listening in your quiet time. What might happen if you REALLY leaned in and LISTENED?

Family Night by the Box is designed to promote intimacy and listening within families. Tune in to those precious people you live with and watch miracles happen. We are here to help you with complete lessons and activities so you can relax and LISTEN!

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Uncommon Life

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 21:59:15 +0000

I wanna run away from anything typical

I want the world to see the life I’m livin’

And call it

Uncommon

I don’t care if it makes me look different

I’m never letting go of my convictions

Let the world see the life I’m livin’

And call it

Uncommon

- Matthew West songwriter -

Have you ever thought about why some people just seem to “get it”? They lock on to an idea or plan and do extraordinary things, reaching dizzying heights. What makes that happen? What do they have that the rest of us don’t?

It’s not because God has favorites. Whatever He does for any one of us – anywhere, in any situation or circumstance, at any time – He will do for all the others too. Think of the most amazing, talented, and gifted people you have ever known or heard of. How very different each of those people are from any other person. How different their skills and expertise are from anyone else’s. How varied are the ways they manifest their success in the world. Some may be famous, vocal, and high-powered. Others may be quietly but fervently going about their mission, shunning the limelight. That’s you too, isn’t it? Unique, and skilled in ways different from everyone else?

When you think of your list of extraordinary people, what is the same about them? In each of them there is an awareness, an openness and a desire to fulfill their god-given purpose. Their unique gifts and the vision they hold become the biggest, most important things in their lives. What sets them apart from most other folks is that when they discovered their unique gifts, when they saw the vision and the goal, when they felt the DESIRE to MOVE – to DO SOMETHING life changing – they DID!

And it wasn’t just once; it’s not a single, all-out effort. Living your unique purpose requires focus and discipline. Openness, awareness, and receptivity must be cultivated in order to grow and expand. Your daily activities and projects must be motivated by your most deeply held values. When your innate giftedness and your core values are aligned, miracles happen!

Family Night by the Book zeroes in on biblical values and helps you to focus on your unique talents. You are then able to identify and encourage them in your kids! What would that mean in your family and in the lives of each of you? What if you could help your child know who he is and why he is here? Begin to find out today!

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

The REAL Thing

admin — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 04:05:34 +0000

“The United States Treasury Department has a special group of people whose job it is to track down counterfeiters. Naturally, these people need to know a counterfeit bill when they see it. How do they learn to identify fake bills? Oddly enough, they are not trained by spending hours examining counterfeit money. Rather, they study the real thing. They become so familiar with authentic bills that they can spot a counterfeit by looking at it or, often, simply by feeling it.”
from Be Real by Warren Wiersbe.
Our children study us. They watch us constantly, and model a way of living from what they observe. Albert Schweitzer said, “Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.” Our authenticity with our children and what they glean from watching us interact with others, has everything to do with how they will interact with us and others. We can only exemplify authenticity and honesty when we are clear about who we are and are willing to share our true thoughts and feelings. It happens when our words match our actions. Morals and values are more” caught” than “taught”. Most of what we know comes from observing and interacting with the world around us, rather than from a classroom or book. Are you giving your children the wonderful gift of seeing their parents move through life with consistency, honesty, and genuineness?

There are many benefits to being honest and authentic. *
-          Honesty walks with courage. To say what you feel, and do what you need to   do and believe to be right, moves you from fear to power.
-          Honesty is good looking! It shows self-respect and respect for others and is very attractive and appealing.
-          Honesty creates a circle of love. It sets an example and fosters more intimacy and authenticity in your relationships. It goes ’round and comes back.
-          Honesty creates safety. How great is it when you are with someone you can depend on to tell the truth? Whose behavior makes you know that you are free to be yourself, without worrying about being judged or who else might be told?
-          Honesty allows you to bust out! It feels great. You don’t have to expend energy tiptoeing around, or remembering what you weren’t honest about yesterday. No deep hole to climb out of. No fear!
-          Honesty is the foundation for strong, lasting relationships. When you begin with honesty, and everyone is allowed to be fully themselves, there is no mess to clean up later. It’s clean, with no hidden agenda or assumptions.
-          Honesty attracts honesty. You will become attractive to other honest people. A life filled with authentic people is vastly enriched.
* adapted from Williams and Thomas Total Life Coaching

Are you dependable? Do you keep your promises and avoid making excuses? Under what circumstances do you lie? (saying you have to hang up, there’s someone at the door; telling your husband it cost 50.00 instead of 100.00) Do you take responsibility for your actions, mistakes, and faults? Do you make others’ best interests equally important to your own?

Family Night by the Book provides lessons and activities to discover God’s perspective on those questions and to promote meaningful discussion within your family. Get started today!
In a world of counterfeits, allow your children to become intimately acquainted with the real thing. Let them see it, hear it, touch it, and love it.

Create a genuine, real thing, authentic, totally YOU lifestyle!
Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Kids and Physical Touch

admin — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 01:12:51 +0000

Physical touch is an emotional communicator to our children. We know that babies who are cared for but not cuddled and held, develop physically but don’t thrive emotionally. If your young child requires lots of touching, hugging, and physical closeness, he is communicating how he wants to be loved. If your teenager is a toucher, even if it takes the form of playing, grabbing you from behind, or a hand on your shoulder, he is letting you know that touch is important.

“And they were bringing children to Him that He might touch them…and He said, “Permit the children to come to me, do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Mark 10:13

Chapman encourages us to, “Observe your children. Watch how they express love to others. That is a clue to their love language. Take note of the things they request of you; it is often in keeping with their own love language. Notice the things for which they are most appreciative and know that they are also indicators.”

I know you love your children. Every child is different and has different needs in order to feel loved and have a full emotional tank. Chapman believes much of our children’s misbehavior can be traced to an empty tank. Learn your child’s primary love language. As she gets older teach her to speak yours and those of other family members. The level of love, cooperation, and fun in your family will rise dramatically!

I trust these posts have been helpful in learning about your child’s love language – and perhaps something about your own as well. Family Night by the Book lessons are designed with your family in mind. We will walk with you as you develop deep and lasting relationships with your children. Invest in your family today.

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Kids and Acts of Service

admin — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 01:10:38 +0000

We do dozens of acts of service for our kids every day. Feeding, bathing, dressing, laundry, chauffeuring, tutoring – the list is long and varied. For some kids those acts speak love. If your child expresses appreciation for the day to day acts of service, he is letting you know that you are filling his emotional tank. If she offers to help you with your projects, it may be her primary love language.

Chapman tells us that “helping with a science project means more than a good grade. It means ‘My parent loves me’.” Observe your child and how he or she serves others. As with all the languages, you are gaining valuable information about what is important to your child. While you’re observing, spend some really great emotional bonding time doing something your child enjoys. You are making memories, having fun, filling his emotional tank (and yours too!), modeling good communication and relationship skills, and creating stories that start with, “Remember the time…” Who knew roller skating or kite flying could do all that?

“For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13

While you’re having all that fun, be sure to express to your child how much he or she is loved and valued. I know for some of you, it’s hard to say what you are feeling. Keep practicing! In the meantime, use non-verbals like a wink, a hug, or coming alongside and helping with a difficult project or chore. Try writing your feelings – maybe a note in a lunch bag or on the pillow. Remember, your acts of service demonstrate love and engaging with your child shows that he is valued.

Family Night by the Book is a wonderful way to spend emotional bonding time with your kids. We give you lots of great suggestions for activities that are fun and build your family relationships. You can be enjoying time together by the end of the week! We are here to encourage and coach you all along the way.

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Love and Receiving Gifts

admin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 00:24:21 +0000

“We all want to give our children good things and many of us are able to do more for our children than our parents were able to do. Overindulging is never good and, in general, unless your child’s language is receiving gifts, buying things will not meet emotional needs. If you give gifts that are seldom played with or taken care of, and you don’t often hear “thank you”, this may not be your child’s love language. If your child responds by lighting up, thanking you over and over, showing the gift off, and treating it as special you may have hit on her primary love language. It does not have to be expensive or elaborate; it is “the thought that counts”. Your child delights in receiving.”

“But I have received everything in full, and have an abundance; I am amply supplied…” Philippians 4:18

This was a great revelation for me. I have certainly thought my kids or grandkids “ungrateful” or “thoughtless”. I am not discounting the importance of social graces and thanking someone for a gift given, however this is powerful insight if you have a child in the first category! Perhaps you have a child who likes to give more than to receive.

“Then the people rejoiced because they had offered so willingly, for they made their offering (to the Lord) with a whole heart…” 1Chronicles 29:9

Observe your kids over time – as they go to birthday parties, as holidays roll around, when opportunities to be generous come up. They are giving you lots of great information about where they fall out in this love language.

Family Night by the Book speaks of both giving and receiving. Engage in these wonderful lessons with your family and learn new things about each other.

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron

Love, Kids, and Quality Time

admin — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 04:49:24 +0000

Quality Time

This means giving our kids our undivided attention. Get down on the floor. Play. Do what THEY love to do. As they get older, don’t stop – jump into their interests and activities. “Many adults, looking back on childhood, don’t remember much of what their parents said, but they do remember what they did. ‘I remember that my father never missed my high school games (concerts/debates/recitals,etc.) I knew he was interested in what I was doing.’ For those adults Quality Time was their language. If this is your child’s language and you learn to speak it, chances are he/she will invite you to spend quality time even in adolescence!

“And these words which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them dillignetly to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6: 6,7

Use the times together with your kids to talk about the things of God in a natural way. Because you spend lots of time together, it will come up naturally as you engage in conversation and activities. Your kids won’t feel “cornered” or like you planned to have a God talk.

Spend some easy, comfortable, regular time sitting together in your house, walking along the way, and being there at bedtime and breakfast. If you make yourself available to your kids, you might be surprised at what you learn about them!

Family Night by the Book is all about spending easy, fun, quality time together. And you learn some godly principles along the way! Make the investment in your family today.

Blessings,

Beth and Dr. Ron