Your kids have a primary love language, even the tiny ones. You may not know it yet, so you have a couple of options. Speak all five and you’re guaranteed to fill his or her emotional tank! Or, you can make some close observations and zero in on it pretty early.

Let’s take a look at The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

“A teenager runs away from home. The parents wring their hands wondering how this could happen. But the teenager is sixty miles down the road in some counselor’s office saying, ‘My parents don’t love me. They have never loved me. They love my brother, but they don’t love me.’ In most cases, the parents really do love that teenager. Then what’s the problem? Very likely, the parents never learned to communicate love in a language the child could understand.

Perhaps they bought ball gloves and bicycles to show their love. The difference between buying a ball glove and playing ball with a child could be the difference between an empty love tank and a full one. We must learn to meet their emotional need for love.”

Words of Affirmation

We affirm our kids like crazy when they are very young. Every new sound or movement gets smiles, way-to-gos, and even applause. We encourage with both verbal and non-verbal language and our kids thrive and grow. As our kids get older Words of Affirmation become words of condemnation. We tell our seven year old to pick up his toys. Five minutes later he has half of them in the box. Rather than praising him for getting half of them picked up, or encouraging him to keep at it, we holler that he’d better get those toys put away or else! Our language becomes increasingly focused on what he does wrong rather than on what he does right. To a child whose language is Words of Affirmation, our criticizing is crushing, and many adults struggle with self esteem and feeling unloved as a result of old childhood messages.

Saying “Good girl or good boy” isn’t necessarily bad, but it doesn’t communicate real affirmation or appreciation. When we acknowledge him for getting half the toys in the box he hears that he is making progress. When we say, “You brought down all the dirty laundry. Thanks for helping.”, she hears that she is helpful. If you say, “You remembered to feed the dog. I appreicate it.”, your child hears that he has good memory skills and that he is appreciated.

Read Romans 16:1-16 and notice how Paul sends personal greetings, acknowledgements, and commendation to the people he cherishes and who are working dilligently for the Lord. It is a great model to follow for our children.

We will continue to examine all 5 languages so stay tuned!